Are You Serial?

[Why-me]

ManBearPig=Al Gore.

TAKE PSYCHO TEST, THEN PICK JOB

Answer true or false:

1. I salivate at the sight of mittens.
2. If I go into the street, I am apt to be bitten by a horse.
3. Some people never look at me.
4. Spinach makes me feel alone.
5. My sex life is A-okay.
6. When I look down from a high spot, I want to spit.
7. I like to kill mosquitoes.
8. Cousins are not to be trusted.
9. It makes me embarrassed to fall down.
10. I get nauseous from too much roller skating.
11. I think most people would cry to gain a point.
12. I cannot read or write.
13. I am bored by thoughts of death.
14. I become homicidal when people try to reason with me.
15. I would enjoy the work of a chicken plucker.
16. I am never startled by a fish.
17. My mother's uncle was a good man.
18. I don't like it when somebody is rotten.
19. People who break the law are wise guys.
20. I have never gone to pieces over the weekend.
21. I think beavers work too hard.
22. I use shoe polish to excess.
23. God is love.
24. I like mannish children.
25. I have always been disturbed by the size of Lincoln's ears.
26. I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools.
27. Most of the time I go to sleep without saying goodbye.
28. I am not afraid of picking up door knobs.
29. I believe I smell as good as most people.
30. Frantic screams make me nervous.
31. It's hard for me to say the right thing when I find myself in a room full of mice.
32. I would never tell my nickname in a crisis.
33. A wide necktie is a sign of disease.
34. As a child I was deprived of licorice.
35. I would never shake hands with a gardener.
36. My eyes are always cold.

Now for the results:
If you answered more questions false than true, you should try for the Peace Corp.

If you answered 18 false and 18 true, you should apply for work with NPR.

If you refused to answer some of the questions, you might work for the White House.

If you held your hand over the questions while you answered them, you should go into the FBI.

If you talk about this test to anybody else, you could never get a security clearance and you'd better stay where you are.

[Why-me]

Enrollment form

SELF-PACED FOR INSTRUCTION-LED COURSES

PROGRAM

HEALTH AND BEHAVIORAL SCIENCES

H100 Creative Suffering

H200 Overcoming Peace of Mind

H102 You and Your Birthmark

H103 The Primal Shrug

H104 Guilt without Sex

H105 Ego Gratification Through Violence

H106 Molding Your Child's Behavior Through Guilt and Fear

H107 Dealing With Post-Realization Depression

H108 Whine Your Way To Alienation

H109 How to Overcome Self-Doubt Through Pretense and Ostentatious


BUSINESS AND CAREER

B101 "I Made $100 In Real Estate"

B102 Money Can Make You Rich

B103 Packaging and Selling Your Child

B104 Career Opportunities in Beirut

B105 How to Profit From Your Own Body

B106 The Underachievers Guide to Very Small Business Opportunities

B107 Tax Shelters For The Indigent

B108 Looters Guide To American Cities

HOME ECONOMICS

H404 How To Convert Your Family Room Into a Garage

H405 Cultivating Viruses In Your Refrigerator

H406 Burglarproof Your Home With Concrete

H407 Sinus Drainage at Home

H408 Basic Kitchen Taxidermy

H409 1001 Other Uses For Your Vacuum Cleaner

H410 The Repair and Maintenance of Your Virginity

H411 How to Convert a Wheelchair Into a Dunebuggy

H412 Christianity and The Art of TV Maintenance

H413 Creative Tooth Decay

H414 Exorcism and Acne

H415 The Joys of Hypochondria

H416 High Fiber and Sex

H417 Suicide and Your Health

H418 Biofeedback and How To Stop It

H419 Skate Yourself to Regularity

H420 Understanding Nudity

H421 Tap-Dance Your Way To Social Ridicule

H422 Optional Body Functions


CRAFTS

C101 Self-Actualization Through Macrame

C102 How To Draw Genitals

C103 Needlecraft For Junkies

C104 Gifts For The Senile

C105 Bonsai Your Pet

FORM MUST BE COMPLETELY FILLED OUT IN ORDER TO PROCESS YOUR ENROLLMENT

Name

Job Title

Phone

Work Address/Room Number

City

State/Province

Country

Zip Code

[BroMikey]

I have a better idea

The answers are in red

1. I salivate at the sight of mittens. because you envision snow melting
2. If I go into the street, I am apt to be bitten by a horse. To many western novels
3. Some people never look at me. Because they are afraid of people
4. Spinach makes me feel alone. Only one popeye
5. My sex life is A-okay. Life long bachelor
6. When I look down from a high spot, I want to spit. Drool instead
7. I like to kill mosquitoes. Paybacks are great
8. Cousins are not to be trusted. Especially the ones who you can marry
9. It makes me embarrassed to fall down. I am 3 years old
10. I get nauseous from too much roller skating. You drank to much red pop
11. I think most people would cry to gain a point. Only when the score is tied
12. I cannot read or write. I grew up in Hatti
13. I am bored by thoughts of death. Because you don't believe it exists.
14. I become homicidal when people try to reason with me. You were forced to learn by cruelty.
15. I would enjoy the work of a chicken plucker. Simple and productive.
16. I am never startled by a fish. Nerves of steel/settled
17. My mother's uncle was a good man. What a nice thing to say
18. I don't like it when somebody is rotten. Holy Spirit
19. People who break the law are wise guys. Think it's cute
20. I have never gone to pieces over the weekend. All days are alike
21. I think beavers work too hard. You are simple and uncomplicated.
22. I use shoe polish to excess. Now they are water proof.
23. God is love. Amen
24. I like mannish children. Rough neck rodeo Tom boy club
25. I have always been disturbed by the size of Lincoln's ears. Idiom
26. I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools. Joe cool
27. Most of the time I go to sleep without saying goodbye. Because you don't believe in death.
28. I am not afraid of picking up door knobs. You live in a 100 year old house.
29. I believe I smell as good as most people. Think deodorant fragrance.
30. Frantic screams make me nervous. Primal instincts
31. It's hard for me to say the right thing when I find myself in a room full of mice. You are a man
32. I would never tell my nickname in a crisis. Or any other time either
33. A wide necktie is a sign of disease. Goiter
34. As a child I was deprived of licorice. Pit Pot Party
35. I would never shake hands with a gardener. You would get a dirty hand
36. My eyes are always cold. Poor circulation


These are my answers, how did I do?

[Why-me]

It is true that some of these answers may be false.

It is false that some of these answers may be true.

The real answer is always maybe so; so maybe you are right.

You get a 100% A+ for your honest assessment.

Everyone else has to schedule a make up exam.

[Why-me]

What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

Why don't blind people like to skydive?

It scares the dog.

[Why-me]

Why don't they make mouse flavored cat food?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill oneself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Why do they put braille dots on the pads of a drive through ATM?

[Why-me]

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?