Daily ESM Joke!

[Ingram]

Wow, 56% of the audience thought it was the sun??

That's a sad commentary on the state of French education

[Grace]

What do you think?

I agree Ingram, what are they thinking? That was very funny Viviana, I watched other similar videos that made me laugh too from there!



Here are some ideas to ponder!

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND
APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD
GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP
SECTION?"? SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT
CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED
PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS?? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL
CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN
SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH ATMs?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS IS THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE "S" IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASTEROIDS"?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME
DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

[Aaron]

funny everytime!

Grace, I've seen those before but everytime I see them they get me!
Thanks for the bellyache!

[wpage]

depo joke

two men are wandering around looking around and bump into each other at the home depo...

Sorry I was looking fom my wife and didn t see you there...

Thats funny I lost my wife too. Lets look for them together. What does she look like?

5 feet tall long blond hair tight blue jeans and a white halter top about 110 lbs... What does your wife look like?

Nevermind my wife lets find yours first!

[Grace]

For Wpage!

HA HA HA HA!!!! Thank you Wpage! I so love this thread!!

[Moria]

Pride and Joy

Four guys sitting around having drinks and one of the men had to use the rest room. The three others talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a company at the bottom. He studied Business and began to climb the corporate ladder, became president of the company. He's so rich; he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for Christmas.

The second guy said, 'Damn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, went to flight school to become a pilot. He became a partner, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet as a Christmas gift.'

The third man said: 'Well, that is terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer, started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave an expensive Christmas gift to his best friend: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulate each other just as the fourth returned from the rest room and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We're talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons ... What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'That's a shame ... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'Nah, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too badly either. Just this Christmas alone he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

Moria x

[Ingram]

Hahahah that's a good one Moria

Thanks for the laughs everybody!!

[Glenn]

>> The Indian With One Testicle
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> There once was an Indian who had only one
>> testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> He hated that name and asked everyone not
>> to call him Onestone.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
>> cracked and said, 'If anyone calls me Onestone
>> again, I will kill them!'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The word got around and nobody called
>> him that any more.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
>> forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'
>> He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
>> the forest where he made love to her all day and
>> all night. He made love to her all the next day,
>> until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The word got around that Onestone meant what
>> he promised he would do. Years went by and no
>> one dared call him by his given name until a woman
>> named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
>> away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was
>> overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him
>> and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
>> then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
>> night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
>> her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Why ???
>>
>>
>>
>>
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>>
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>>
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>>
>>
>> OH, come on ... take a guess !!!
>>
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>> Think about it !!!
>>
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>> You're going to love this !!!
>>
>>
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>> ;0 D
>>
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>>
>>
>>
>> Everyone knows...
>> You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone !!!
>>
>>

[Pamela]

Palin as President...

Hi Lovies!

Here's something to make many of you !

In order to truly enjoy it, you will need to click ALL over the image...And be sure to re-click on the door...

Enjoy, my friends...

PalinAsPresident.com

With Much Love and Gratitude,

Pamela

[Ingram]

Nice, Nice.... thanks for the laugh Pamela

[Pamela]

Hi Ingram!

You are more than welcome, my friend!

I had a feeling you would appreciate that one! It will be fun to see the updates that are going to be added each day!

With Much Love and Gratitude,

Pamela

[Ingram]

Much to her credit, Palin appeared on SNL. She seems a little stiff though.

Saturday Night Live - All Videos - Newest - Video - NBC.com

There are a couple of new skits, one with her backstage, Gov. Palin Cold Open & one called Palin rap.

[Grace]

Life is Absolutely Fabulous!

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE
This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you.
I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day.
I love you.
P.S. And, remember...
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do
Not attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD
(something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All
situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.
Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying
about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present
in your life now.
Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you. You may have
touched their life in ways you will never know!
Now, you have a nice day.
God

[Keoi]

Here Ya Go God..It's all yours!!!!

[ANTIQUER]

E-mail from Ireland

Hey Ingram;

Love the SNL stuff about Pallin.
Here's one for you.



Subject: An e-mail from Ireland


An e-mail from Ireland....

An email from Ireland to all of their brethren in the States... a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:

'We, in Ireland can't figure out why you people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States!

On one side, you had a pants wearing female lawyer, married to another lawyer who can't seem to keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer, who goes to the wrong church, who is married to yet another lawyer, who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run!

Now...on the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate 'Mc' terminology, married to a good looking woman who owns a beer distributorship!

Lads, what in God's name are ya thinkin?


Al