Daily ESM Joke!

[Grace]

Thank you for the Laugh Al!

[Glenn]

Sounds like the comdedian Steven(Stephen?) Wright - very funny.

I agree Ingram, what are they thinking? That was very funny Viviana, I watched other similar videos that made me laugh too from there!



Here are some ideas to ponder!

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND
APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD
GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP
SECTION?"? SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT
CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED
PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS?? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL
CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN
SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH ATMs?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS IS THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE "S" IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASTEROIDS"?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME
DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

[ANTIQUER]

The perfect man

Hi Pamela;

This is for you and all the other ladies on The Forum; enjoy.













PICTURE OF A PERFECT MAN..








(NO IMAGE AVAILABLE)












Did you really think there was one ???



Send this to ALL the LADIES that need to laugh



and ... ANY of the MEN that can take it..


Al

[Moria]

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How true!!! Good one Al!!! Thank you SO much for the laugh!!

Moria x

[Keoi]

Al....
LOL

[Pamela]

The Perfect Man???

Dear Al,




But wait...

The Perfect Man

The perfect man is gentle
never cruel or mean
he has a beautiful smile
and he keeps his face so clean

The perfect man loves children
and will raise them by your side
he will be a good father
and good husband to his bride

The perfect man loves cooking
cleaning and vaccuuming too
he'll do anything to convey
his feelings of love to you

The perfect man is sweet
writing poetry from your name
he's a best friend to your mother
and kisses away your pain

He has never made you cry
or hurt you in any way......
OH SCREW THIS STUPID POEM...
THE PERFECT MAN IS GAY!!!!!!



With Much Love and Gratitude,

Pamela

[Grace]

Pamela!

HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

The Perfect Man IS Gay, but I also believe that Men ARE perfect!! Just my opinion and I may be wrong!

[ANTIQUER]

The Perfect Man

Pamela, Grace and all who liked that; The original version my sister sent is even funnier, but the graphics refuse to copy. If you want to see it in all it's glorious humor pm me your e-mall. I think it will all go through that way.

Loved the poem

Sort of in the same vein here's a story about a less than perfect man and his mom's advice.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





"Sniff the Chocolates First Forrest"


> Forrest Gump Explains Mortgage Backed Securities
>
>
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
>
> a.. Mortgage Backed Securities are like boxes of chocolates.
> b.. Criminals on Wall Street stole a few chocolates from the boxes and
replaced them with turds.
> c.. Their criminal buddies at Standard & Poor rated these boxes AAA
Investment Grade chocolates.
> d.. These boxes were then sold all over the world to investors.
> e.. Eventually somebody bites into a turd and discovers the crime.
> f.. Suddenly nobody trusts American chocolates anymore worldwide.
> g.. Hank Paulson now wants the American taxpayers to buy up and hold
all these boxes of turd-infested chocolates for $700 billion dollars until
the market for turds returns to normal.
> h.. Meanwhile, Hank's buddies, the Wall Street criminals who stole all
the good chocolates are not being investigated, arrested, or indicted.
> i.. Mama always said: "Sniff the chocolates first Forrest".

Al

[Aaron]

Grace, scroll down

YOU RANG???

[Grace]

For Zeus!!!

Grace, scroll down

YOU RANG???

HA HA HA HA!! OK, OK, Yes Zeus, You are the PERFECT MAN!!! THANK GOD, for Gods!!

[Moria]

Can someone please tell me how to make the images bigger, not just thumbnails... Thank you!

Moria x

[Aaron]

posting pics

Hi Moria!

Click this icon:

Then enter the web address that the pic is at and it will post as the same size that you
find it online.

[Moria]

Thanks Aaron... Much appreciated!

[ANTIQUER]

Laughter

Hi Grace, glad you are enjoying the jokes. This just came from my brother.



"Inquiring little minds." "Little Brat" also comes to mind.





A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

'Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.

'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are, you are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'



















'Because you got an F in sex.'



If you see someone without a smile today
give them one of yours!

Al

[Ingram]

Don't leave your booze around on Halloween!