Daily ESM Joke!

[Keoi]

Snort
B
Keoi

[Sharyn]

beautiful Grace.


Love, Light & Blessings
Sharyn

[Viviana]

Planes, Trains and Politicians...

A Washington, DC, airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is in trouble...

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa. Her response - click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!"

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the map."

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She Needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am got to Chicago at 8:33 am. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said,"No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the Airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it Be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?"

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them."

10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever, smarty!"

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"

12. A New Mexico Congress woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" The reply? "Whatever! I knew it was a big animal!"

[Ann-ticipatingSuccess]

Oh, Viviana!! How truly scary!

Thanks for sharing!

Ann

[Grace]

My Absolutely Fabulous Son Ryan Beard!

My Son Ryan is a senior in High School. One of his classes this first semester is T.V Production. He received an A on this project!! (He also takes Karate with me) I thought this was so funny!! I hope you get a good laugh out of this too. Ryan is the first guy you see!!


YouTube - Yoohoo Fight

[Viviana]

LOL Grace!!!

Ryan and his friends were hilarious!!

[Jamie]

Water Leak

Read text before viewing the video...


Jennifer and Jim kept getting huge water bills. They knew beyond a doubt

that the bills weren't representative of their actual usage, and no

matter how they tried to conserve, the high bills continued. Although

they could see nothing wrong, they had everything checked for leaks or

problems: first the water meter, then outdoor pipes, indoor pipes,

underground pipes, faucets, toilets, washer, ice maker, etc. -- all to

no avail. One day Jim was sick and stayed home in bed, but kept hearing

water running downstairs. He finally tore himself from his sick bed to

investigate, and stumbled onto the cause of such high water bills.

Apparently this was happening all day long when they were not at home.

Knowing that few would believe him, he taped a segment of the 'problem'.

Now watch the video!

Water Leak

[Moria]

I LOVE these jokes!!!

On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next to a Black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.

"What seems to be the problem Madam?" asked the attendant. "Can't you see?" she said, " You've sat me next to a kaffir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!"

"Please calm down, Madam," the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do - I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class."

The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged Black man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self-satisfied grin:

"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class." Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues . . . "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit next such an obnoxious person."

Having said that, the stewardess turned to the Black man sitting next to the lady, and said: "So if you'd like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you . . ." At which point, apparently the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation while the Black man walked up to the front of the plane.

[Moria]

CUSTOMER SERVICE

It happened at the Denver Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the Guts of this girl. For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate Customer, this one is for you. An award should go to the United Airlines Gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed
His way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE
to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but,
I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work
something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers
behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her Public Addres microphone, "May I have your attention please, "She began, her voice heard
clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO
DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please
come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at
the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F*** You!".
Without flinching, she smiled and said, I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in
line for that too."

[Grace]

Absolutely Fabulous!!

VIVIANA, JAMIE AND MORIA THESE WERE ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!!

[Grace]

The Bird Dance!

Bird Lovers you will love this Bird dance!!

[Sharyn]

Rofl

Grace, that was so funny!!


Love, Light & Blessings,

Sharyn

[Viviana]

ROFL about bird video

Grace, that was SO HILARIOUS!!!!!!!

I loved Snowball!!

Thank you for sharing!

~Viviana -

[Pamela]

"George Bush" on the important issue of Global Warming

Have fun with this one my Lovies...


YouTube - A kid doing a funny scene of Bush on Global Warming


With Much Love and Gratitude,

Pamela

[Grace]

Hilarious!!

Pamela! That was GREAT!!