Daily ESM Joke!

[Grace]

Star Wars?

Kevin and Glenn!! Hilarious!!


For those of you into organic foods, you are going to laugh with this short video!!



GROCERY STAR WARS

[Aaron]

Grocery Store Wars

LOL Grace!

That video is right on!

[Genie]

Store Wars - Use the FARM!

I LOVE IT!!!!!

What a great message - well done!!!!!! And almost 200,000 views! Awesome!

Thanks for posting it

[Glenn]

The Pastor's Ass

PS (pre script) - Loved the Grocery Store Wars video!


The Pastor's Ass


The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in
the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read:PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is ...
being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day!

[Grace]

For Glenn!

Glenn!!! The Pastor's Ass is hilarious!!



Genie and Jessica, I wanted to give you sound advice as new wives!

[Grace]

The Art Of Zen!

The Zen of Sarcasm




1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.



2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.



3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that's the time to do it.



4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.



5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.



6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.



7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.



8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.



9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.



10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.



11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.



12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.



13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.



14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.



15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.



16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.



17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.



18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.



19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.



20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.



21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.



22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[Grace]

Laughter is Medicine!

THANK YOU JURE FOR SKYPING ME THIS!!



About Laughter Yoga!



John Cleese and Laugter Yoga!



10 Principles of Laugh-a Yoga®

1. The restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff is Yoga. Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, Book I. 2 All of Yoga is concerned with bringing us peace and calmness of mind.

2. Laughing for “No Reason” (Intentional Laughter): Angels have Two Faces. One looking down (Fear, Crying, etc. and one looking up, Happiness, Trust, Love, Laughter).

When we are so used to looking down, we have to laugh in the face of the unhappiness. When we laugh for no reason, we find plenty of reasons to laugh.

3.Tragedy + Time = Comedy, Laughter: Meaning is Context-dependent and changes over time. Contexts are Boundless.

Read the “Italian Book of the Dead”: THE DIVINE COMEDY! By Dante, “A Happy Outcome to All Things is Sure.” A Course in Miracles.

4. Laughter is SOCIAL MEDICINE, and is enjoyed more with others. It’s a Social Experience, leading to Social Bonding and increased connection with others.

5. Never Laugh at anyone but yourself. Laugh with people, but never at them. Not everyone is in on the Joke. A good rule of thumb to go by is,

“Your enjoyment should not bring trouble to others…Your happiness should not be at the cost of others’ happiness.”

-Sri Swami Satchidananda

6. Play is Real. Serious is Fake. Laughing Yoga is a path of spontaneous Self-Liberation. Laughing Yoga is Paradoxical Intention. “LAUGH JIT-SU.”

We want spontaneous laughter, so we force it, stimulate it, etc. Fake it until you make it.


Laugh until you Cry. Cry until you Laugh. It’s the Flip-Flop principle.


7. Practice attended to for a long time, without break, and in all earnestness.” See: Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, Book I. 13, 14. This is a Formula for Success in any endeavor in life. Applied to laughing yoga it can transform your life. Prolonged, Intentional Laughter attended to, can bring you closer to your True Self.

8. THERE IS NO WAY TO HAPPINESS; HAPPINESS IS THE WAY. LAUGH FOR NO REASON AND YOU WILL FIND A REASON TO LAUGH. LAUGHTER IS THE REMEDY; LOVE IS THE CURE. You will get out of laughter what you put into it.


Become PRO-ACTIVE in laughter. Perform Random Acts of Spontaneous Laughter. Reactive Laughter is OK, but Pro-active is better. You don’t rely on outer people and events to make you laugh.

9. LIFE IS A DREAM, MAYA , ILLUSION. It’s a GAME, as in LIGHTS, CAMERA. ACTION! THE SOCIAL FICTION.

Seeing ourselves reflected in the “Social Mirror” is a lot like looking into a fun-house distorted mirror.


10. Learning to laugh at Death and Loss. Why, because you are an immortal being who never dies, and can create anything you want, any time you want. Death isn’t real. There is no “final resting place” until you reach the Goal.



(“Death is the central dream from which all other illusions stem.” ACIM, M-27…1:1;“The [karmic, time and space] world will end in laughter…” ACIM, M…14.5:5).


LEARN TO LAUGH AT NOTHING AT ALL. THERE IS NOTHING more real than NOTHING. It is best to laugh at Nothing, because Nothing doesn’t care if you laugh at it or with it!

When your life feels empty and meaningless, laugh because it is empty and meaningless! So What! Out of the Emptiness arises all Form, manifestation of all that is.

Instead of laughing because of Something, we learn to laugh in spite of Everything! _Bharata Wingham


“Levity relieves stress and ends the fear of death.” *_Arnold Schwartzneiger, TERMINATOR 3


“Is it happiness that makes us laugh? Or laughter that makes us happy?” _Bharata Wingham

[future pather]

Peep Show

(Thanks for this Vivianna )

[Grace]

Hello Bubba!

Nymphomaniacs Convention,


A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. She took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston ."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality! ." "Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. !
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don! 't ev en know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

[Viviana]

Why Men Shouldn't Take Messages

Ladies, now if it was truly a beer....*sigh*...

[Grace]

Too Funny!!

Ladies, now if it was truly a beer....*sigh*...

Good one Viviana!


I was working on the computer last night, and my son came into the room and decided to watch Family Guy. We laughed so hard that I had to find it and post it for all of you!!

Family Guy, Osma Bin Laden

[Grace]

The Joy of Acceptance!

A woman was at
work when she received a phone call that
her
small daughter was very sick
with a fever. She left her
work and stopped by the
pharmacy to get some
medication.
She got back to her car and
found that she had locked
her
keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so
she called
home and told the baby sitter what had
happened.
The baby sitter told her that the fever was
getting worse.
She said,'You might find a
coat hanger and use it to
open
the door.'

The woman looked around and found an old rusty
coat hanger
that had been left on the
ground, possibly by someone
else
who at some time had locked their keys in their
car. She
looked at the hanger and said,
'I don't know how to use
this.'

She bowed her head and asked God to send her
help. Within
five minutes a beat up old
motorcycle pulled up, with
a
dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an
old biker
skull rag on his head. The woman thought, 'This
is what You
sent to help me?' But, she was
desperate, so she was also
very thankful.

The man got off of his cycle and asked if he
could help.
She said, 'Yes,my daughter is
very sick. I stopped to get
her some medication and I
locked my keys in my car. I
must
get home to her. Please, can you use this
hanger to unlock
my car?

He said, 'Sure.' He walked over to the car, and
in less
than a minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she
said, 'Thank
You So Much! You are a very
nice man.'
The man replied, 'Lady, I am
not a nice man. I just got
out
of prison today.I was in prison for car theft
and have only
been out for about an hour.'

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing
tears cried
out loud,

'Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a
Professional!'

Is - GOD GOOD - or
what!?

[Keoi]

Hi Everyone,
This just proves that things may not be what you think!

YouTube - Kissing Test

[Grace]

Ha Ha Ha!!!

Hi Everyone,
This just proves that things may not be what you think!

YouTube - Kissing Test

That was Hilarious Keoi!!

This post is not so much a Joke, but more a method to awaken to the abundance and joy of it all, and not take things so Seriously!! I was motivated to post this finally after I saw Pamela's newest painting "Tiny Worlds". It is Magnificent!

Now, THIS is really fascinating - it's rather dazzling to see it presented this way.










I CERTAINLY THOUGHT THIS WAS ENLIGHTENING. BEYOND OUR SUN ... IT'S A BIG UNIVERSE.





ANTARES IS THE 15TH BRIGHTEST STAR IN THE SKY.
IT IS MORE THAN 1000 LIGHT YEARS AWAY.

------------------------------------------------------------------

THIS IS A HUBBLE TELESCOPE ULTRA DEEP FIELD INFRARED VIEW OF COUNTLESS
'ENTIRE' GALAXIES BILLIONS OF LIGHT-YEARS AWAY.



BELOW IS A CLOSE UP OF ONE OF THE DARKEST REGIONS OF THE PHOTO ABOVE.



HUMBLING, ISN'T IT?




HOW BIG ARE THE THINGS THAT UPSET YOU TODAY?



KEEP LIFE IN PERSPECTIVE.


AND DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!




Now let's keep those side splitting jokes and videos coming!

[Moria]

For the men

John wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night of his office Christmas party. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

John sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. John looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove,I left early to go shopping-- Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table,eating. John asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door." "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, THAT!.. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,

"Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"



Moria x