My Apology

[illusions]

Val:

My spiritual beliefs are based on my concept of a inherently cruel spiritual system, and there is nothing we can do about it. I know I could be wrong, of course, but I don't believe anyone knows the real truth. I just know what seems the truth for me and what I see in the world.

Hi Val

I completely agree with you - I don't believe that anyone knows the real truth either. I believe that only once a person has got out of the fish bowl, can they then see what it really is for certain. The whole can only really be seen from outside of it.

In the meantime, it's anyone's guess lol.

What I do know for certain, is that we are the only ones who have complete control over our conscious thought.

We agree that no-one REALLY knows for sure what the truth is. It's all about what makes sense to each person, or what they've been taught and then believe.

We also agree that the only person who can control someone's conscious thoughts is himself.

Here's how I see it:

Have you ever seen an elephant, staked at a circus ground? Have you ever wondered how that stake holds such a huge, strong animal? Did you know that often, when it's time to move on, the handler tells the elephant to pull the stake, and the animal uses its trunk to pull the stake out of the ground itself!!

So, why doesn't the elephant just pull the stake out any old time he wants to go for a wander?

Because he's been taught that he can't - except for when the handler instructs him to. Isn't that Amazing, looking from our perspective? An animal that big, and that strong, is PHYSICALLY held in place - by a BELIEF!

Now, we, on the outside of that elephant's experience, can see the Truth. The truth is that the elephant is perfectly capable of setting himself free whenever he wants to. But from inside his perspective, he doesn't know that. And his belief is that he is chained and unable to wander off.

If the elephant could speak and reason, he would insist that he has no choice. He would insist that he is unable to walk away. If we said to him, but you can just pull the stake out with your trunk, he would answer "I can't! I can't do that! My whole life this stake has held me here. I believe in this stake, I mean look - it's there! It's in the ground, and my foot is chained to it. You can see it with your own eyes. The handler used a hammer to knock it into the ground. It's obvious I can't just pull it out. It's always held me here!" and he would reason it out. He would defend that belief that he is trapped - because that is his reality.

Now, if the elephant was happy where he was, and his handler was kind to him, and he was well cared for, then we might just look at the situation, and find it interesting, and we wouldn't try and convince the elephant of what we know. And it wouldn't matter what the elephant believes because he's happy.

However....

If the elephant is unhappy, if he feels trapped, or if he is ill-treated, it would be very frustrating trying to convince him that he is capable of ending his suffering if he would only choose to change his belief.

Now the problem is, that there is no way this elephant can know the truth - he's been programmed to believe in the stake. And why should he trust us?

Let's say, another elephant actually did set himself free. And he tries to explain this to the trapped elephant. He says "I did it - it's absolutely possible! The stake is not keeping you trapped, your belief in it is!"

But the trapped elephant says, "But no-one knows that for sure!" The free elephant says, "Hey, that's true, and we'll never know for sure until we become human and we put the stakes in ourselves, but what I do know, is that when I changed my belief in the stake, I pulled it out with my trunk, and now I'm free!"

Then the other elephant has a choice - to find a way to change his beliefs ... or to continue believing in the stake. But the key word here is CHOICE.

He either CHOOSES to change or he CHOOSES to remain the same. Either way he is making his own choice.

He may not know HOW to change his belief, but the minute he TRULY decides that he WILL change his belief.... all manner of information and tools come his way...

Maybe he starts to notice things he didn't before - like the fact that when his handler instructs him to pull the stake out of the ground to go to the water ... he may now become aware of how he does it, whereas before it was automatic. He may notice that when it's been raining and the ground is wet, the stake practically pulls itself out! He may begin to notice that his handler is too weak to push the broken down truck, and gets the elephant to do it - and this time, because of his awareness, he may begin to get a better idea of his own strength.... and so on.

Once he's chosen to change his beliefs, he begins to become open and to notice more.

But if he makes the CHOICE to continue with his current belief just because he believes it at the moment, and because even though he hates his life, the belief makes sense to him... and because he doesn't know HOW he can ever change his belief.... then he will be living in that perspective and he'll never become aware of all the bits of information that make the NEW belief make more sense.

Hope this makes sense, and that it helps.

Love and Light and Magic xxx

[elias]

Dear Val,

First of all, I want to thank you immensely for being a reflection for us! You may know this but everything is only one thing and it is love and the energy which creates EVERYTHING, think about that! So what is religion or spirituality? It is ONLY learning to utilize the prime force of the universe nothing more!!! NOTHING! Because the thing we FEEL as love is everything, your chair, your body, your THOUGHTS, and the more you feel it the more powerful you are, because love is the only power and when you channel it through yourself then you feel it and your feelings indicate that you are utilizing it! IT IS AND WAS THAT SIMPLE!!!!

True love is unconditional because it is all there is. The beliefs we have are the channels for love, and when we have contradictory beliefs love cannot be channeled efficiently and we become ill.

I HIGHLY recommend you taking a look at the Living on Love thread, it may be the answer to ALL your problems. HAPPINESS comes from love. EXCITEMENT IS LOVE. Love can bring different kinds and degrees of feelings, which range from being neutral, being hopeful, being excited, ... , to total ecstasy!

I didn't know this and this caused me to suffer so much, so don't think that you are alone, you are not alone, we all have experienced problems in our life, which teaches us many things. Until we give up and decide to open our heart and start sending love and light to the whole creation. And only then happiness can come.

I am no where near a place to give you advice, but I wanted to share the simplest secret ever, which seems too good to be true, but it is.

Look at Love as an energy which can do anything you desire, not only a feeling, the feeling is only a feedback that indicates the fact that you are using it. When you look at love this way it becomes unconditional.

And don't "try" to do anything let it do for you, because Love and God is the same thing and it is intelligent.

I completely understand the loop you are in, just break it, please.

The only true religion is Love, and when you feel it, you know how to become a spiritual master! There is a saying:

no one is good, because no one is bad,
some people are joyful some people are sad.

With Love and Gratitude ...

Elias

[Kevin]

What I do know for certain, is that we are the only ones who have complete control over our conscious thought.

We also agree that the only person who can control someone's conscious thoughts is himself.

Here's how I see it:

Have you ever seen an elephant, staked at a circus ground? Have you ever wondered how that stake holds such a huge, strong animal? Did you know that often, when it's time to move on, the handler tells the elephant to pull the stake, and the animal uses its trunk to pull the stake out of the ground itself!!

So, why doesn't the elephant just pull the stake out any old time he wants to go for a wander?

Because he's been taught that he can't - except for when the handler instructs him to. Isn't that Amazing, looking from our perspective? An animal that big, and that strong, is PHYSICALLY held in place - by a BELIEF!

Now, we, on the outside of that elephant's experience, can see the Truth. The truth is that the elephant is perfectly capable of setting himself free whenever he wants to. But from inside his perspective, he doesn't know that. And his belief is that he is chained and unable to wander off.

If the elephant could speak and reason, he would insist that he has no choice. He would insist that he is unable to walk away. If we said to him, but you can just pull the stake out with your trunk, he would answer "I can't! I can't do that! My whole life this stake has held me here. I believe in this stake, I mean look - it's there! It's in the ground, and my foot is chained to it. You can see it with your own eyes. The handler used a hammer to knock it into the ground. It's obvious I can't just pull it out. It's always held me here!" and he would reason it out. He would defend that belief that he is trapped - because that is his reality.

Now, if the elephant was happy where he was, and his handler was kind to him, and he was well cared for, then we might just look at the situation, and find it interesting, and we wouldn't try and convince the elephant of what we know. And it wouldn't matter what the elephant believes because he's happy.

However....

If the elephant is unhappy, if he feels trapped, or if he is ill-treated, it would be very frustrating trying to convince him that he is capable of ending his suffering if he would only choose to change his belief.

Now the problem is, that there is no way this elephant can know the truth - he's been programmed to believe in the stake. And why should he trust us?

Let's say, another elephant actually did set himself free. And he tries to explain this to the trapped elephant. He says "I did it - it's absolutely possible! The stake is not keeping you trapped, your belief in it is!"

But the trapped elephant says, "But no-one knows that for sure!" The free elephant says, "Hey, that's true, and we'll never know for sure until we become human and we put the stakes in ourselves, but what I do know, is that when I changed my belief in the stake, I pulled it out with my trunk, and now I'm free!"

Then the other elephant has a choice - to find a way to change his beliefs ... or to continue believing in the stake. But the key word here is CHOICE.

He either CHOOSES to change or he CHOOSES to remain the same. Either way he is making his own choice.

He may not know HOW to change his belief, but the minute he TRULY decides that he WILL change his belief.... all manner of information and tools come his way...

Maybe he starts to notice things he didn't before - like the fact that when his handler instructs him to pull the stake out of the ground to go to the water ... he may now become aware of how he does it, whereas before it was automatic. He may notice that when it's been raining and the ground is wet, the stake practically pulls itself out! He may begin to notice that his handler is too weak to push the broken down truck, and gets the elephant to do it - and this time, because of his awareness, he may begin to get a better idea of his own strength.... and so on.

Once he's chosen to change his beliefs, he begins to become open and to notice more.

But if he makes the CHOICE to continue with his current belief just because he believes it at the moment, and because even though he hates his life, the belief makes sense to him... and because he doesn't know HOW he can ever change his belief.... then he will be living in that perspective and he'll never become aware of all the bits of information that make the NEW belief make more sense.

Hope this makes sense, and that it helps.

Love and Light and Magic xxx

I don't really make a practice of hi-jacking threads....but...

Odille,

What an absolutely fantabulous insight you have shared...so clear, so plain.

I think you have the core of a powerful ebook here.

so much for putting this in such an engaging and ez to understand format.

[VJoy]

For you very kind folks

Thank you Ann, Jessica, Aaron, illusions, elias, and Kevin for responding here, and trying to help me. You are all very kind.

How do I keep this short?

Okay......Ann, I have tried EFT, and it didn't work. Plus, I have to start to be careful with money. I can look at the book links you provide, thank you. Also, I am on a good vitamin D suppliment.

Jessica, thank you, I am always blunt and honest. I have nothing to hide, so I appreciate your appreciation of that.
I wish I could talk to my mother, but both my parents and I have not spoken in 10 years, and it will never happen. Long, long story.

Aaron, I wish I had a close friend. I don't have any. The closest is my cousin, but we never actually see each other, and when we do speak ( I do love her, she is a great person), we don't have anything in common except health issues! so......I am a very, very lonely person who has nothing to do all day and thinks too much.


Illusions, that is an excellent example......hard to do though...but I understand, and I thank you.

Elias, I have trouble truly feeling love in many situations, (I am on Unconditional Love module, hoping it will help at some point), but my feelings of love are so blocked by fear, I have trouble accessing them enough to help ME. Also, I respect your belief that Love is everything, but I don't believe that. As I stated, I believe the universe is inherently cruel, and there is little if any love there.

Kevin, Hi! Yes, that was a great post.

So thank you everyone...........here is my basic question........if anyone can give me a simple answer, and I don't wish to have this entire thread go on forever as a "get val a therapist".......

Question: If I believe that the Universe is inherently cruel, and that no matter how I try to improve my life, the Universe will dump on me and ruin it......AND I was raised by my parents to fear life because I WILL be dumped on, and I still believe that at 45 years old........how can I believe change will happen or that I can be happy if cruelty will prevail? I think I have such trouble TRYING because I expect the above will happen, so it seems so impossible for me.

If anyone can answer that, and it makes sense to me, I will pay you a million dollars (monopoly money, sorry), have 6 children and name them all after you (even if it is the same name), and wash your car with a toothbrush.

Thank you, you are all very kind.

[April]

I don't really make a practice of hi-jacking threads....but...

Odille,

What an absolutely fantabulous insight you have shared...so clear, so plain.

I think you have the core of a powerful ebook here.

so much for putting this in such an engaging and ez to understand format.

Ditto Kevin!

[illusions]

Thank you Kevin and April - That's really lovely to hear!


xxxx

[illusions]

Val:

If anyone can answer that, and it makes sense to me, I will pay you a million dollars (monopoly money, sorry), have 6 children and name them all after you (even if it is the same name), and wash your car with a toothbrush.

Hee heeee Val, I'd pay your airfare to the UK just to be able to see that!

Question: If I believe that the Universe is inherently cruel, and that no matter how I try to improve my life, the Universe will dump on me and ruin it......AND I was raised by my parents to fear life because I WILL be dumped on, and I still believe that at 45 years old........how can I believe change will happen or that I can be happy if cruelty will prevail? I think I have such trouble TRYING because I expect the above will happen, so it seems so impossible for me.

I completely understand what you mean, and how difficult it is to change the beliefs that have been programmed in you. And I also know that only if you really want to change them, will you be able to no matter how difficult it is.

Here's some reasoning that you could try on for size...

If your parents were right, and if the Universe is indeed inherently cruel, and if it is true that no matter how much a person tries to improve their life the Universe will dump on them anyway and ruin it... what's with all the happy successful people in the world?

How is it that there are soooo many people who ARE living the way they want to live, who DO get what they want, and who ARE enjoying themselves?

Now, of course, there are a lot of unhappy people as well, who are suffering and struggling. But my point is: If it was an Absolute Law - if the nature of the Universe was indeed inherantly cruel, how is it that there is ANYBODY who is not experiencing it that way?

Presumably there have to be some differentiating aspects. There has to be some reason that for some it's a terrible and cruel place, and for others it's a playground. (and of course everything in between).

What if whatever you believe, you're right! What if your parents are right - because they believe it. So for them, the Universe IS cruel. What if you're right because you believe it. What if whatever a person believes is true for them.

That would be one explanation for the phenomenon of happy, successful people vs unhappy, struggling people.

What if the way it works is whatever is programmed into you is the way it is for you. Like a guard dog that is trained to attack anyone that comes near. As aposed to a guard dog who is trained to attack on command... as asposed to a pet dog who attacks only when himself or his owner is threatened.

Same world, same species of dog, same people approaching... different reaction depending on how the dog has been trained.

You've already said you believe that no-one really knows the truth. This opens up the door for you to change your beliefs if you want to. Because, if no-one really knows the truth, that means your parents don't know the truth, and you don't know the truth. So if you don't know the truth, there's doubt about those beliefs ..... so why not just pick something that is pleasanter and gives you a more positive experience while you're here, and can make sense?

If you felt your parents knew for certain. If you insisted you KNOW that's how things are, then it's more difficult. There are many people who feel they KNOW the truth because of what they've read and been taught, and they believe it so strongly that there is no question for them. (I still feel no-one can KNOW for certain until they get out and have a look from the outside, so it's more a case of a belief so strong that they feel they know.)

Now, if your belief was that strong, then it would be more difficult. Doubt has its foot in your door - relax your hold a little and open the door a bit more. Consider the other possibilities. Not all of them will feel right, but pick something that, if you could believe it, it would make you feel really good. And then reason in FAVOUR of it, not against it. Have a go at arguing FOR the good stuff rather than against it. If you hit a snag, do some research, ask some questions, see if you can come up with support and answers for that belief. If it really starts to feel a bit like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, then have a look at the other possibilities.

Here's another idea:
Pick a belief that you feel, if you could believe it, it would feel really good.
Then have an argument in your head, with your parents, about this belief. Debate in favour of the belief, and field the objections you think they'd come up with.

Also, you may like to take a look at this thread:
Parenting - Paying it Backwards!

And then.... here's an exercise that I believe will free you from more than just your beliefs... don't underestimate this - it is Extremely Powerful!

Pick a time when you won't be disturbed, unplug the phone, get yourself a refreshment and sit down to write a letter to your parents which you will never give to them.

If you don't know what to say, don't worry, just start and it WILL flow. In this letter, be as Viscious and Agressive as you can. Insult them, Swear, Threaten, say everything you want to say - and don't hold back. No-one's ever going to see it so you can go as over the top as you like. But pretend you are going to give it to them. As you write or type, stuff will come up that you weren't even aware of! Memories will come up that you had forgotten, and emotions you didn't know you had will come out.

Once you've finished, read it back to yourself. Then go to sleep. You'll probably be emotionally and physically exhausted after writing the letter, and most of our processing and healing happens during deep sleep.

When you wake up, do something pampering and delicious for yourself. Have a bubble bath, watch some T.V. or a movie (as long as it feels good), play a game, have something tasty to eat or drink, watch something that makes you laugh, read a book in bed - whatever feels good at the time.

Later, re-read the letter and once you feel you're finished with it, destroy it in whatever way you wish. Some people burn it ceremoniously, others just tear it up and throw it away.

I'm certain that you will feel a MAJOR shift after this exercise, and I suspect you'll find it easier to change your beliefs once you've done this!

Love and Light and Magic xxx

[VJoy]

Illusions

Val:
Quote:
If anyone can answer that, and it makes sense to me, I will pay you a million dollars (monopoly money, sorry), have 6 children and name them all after you (even if it is the same name), and wash your car with a toothbrush.

Hee heeee Val, I'd pay your airfare to the UK just to be able to see that!

Really??? I have always wanted to go to the UK!! When are you going to fly me there?? huh? Huh? I want to go!! wwaaaaaaaaaaa
Oh, I can get you monopoly money, and i can wash your car with a toothbrush, but for the kids...I will have to adopt and make you think they were mine all along. So when I come over, can I bring my husband and my cat and my recently adopted children, all named Illusions? Can we live in your house?? questions, questions......I have the hubby well trained, he can be your personal slave for a few years....

Okay, now seriously......
I really appreciate your thoughtful post for me. I will start with the last thing you mentioned....the letter writing. I am sorry to say I have tried that, several times, and it really did nothing for me. I am someone, (I know myself very well), who needs to confront the person(s) who I feel did me wrong. But with my parents, that isn't possible, so I have been searching for years as to how to let them go.

I have been doing EMDR therapy this summer, and that has helped a little. It is a slow process, but that is the only way I have been able to see my parents a little differently, and now we are working on my giving up their belief system, but it takes time. I do now understand that they did the best they could, and were fearful themselves, and just didn't know better, and didn't know how to raise me in a healthy way. That has helped me. (didn't think I would say anything postivie, huh? )

I will check out the post you gave me for parenting-paying it backwards, thank you.

I understand your point about people being happy. But is anyone REALLY happy? I don't know, seems even people who seem to have everything they want, things aren't what they seem. Everyone has their issues, many more serious than they let on. I could be wrong. I know.
Also, I view these people as stronger than me. They can mentally change their views, where I feel I have not been able to, (except through help with EMDR)......you will tell me I AM strong enough.....I don't feel it. That is what I hoped Paths would do for me......I know it won't make me into a new person, but I hoped it would give me at least ANY tiny, tiny edge that might help me in any way, even ONE single positive thought might help, but Paths isn't working yet.

Is the universe good the the happy people? I honestly don't have an answer, as illogical as that sounds. I literally get confused. Probably, because that challenges my belief system........I recognize that.

As far as picking a belief system that makes me feel a little better, this is going to sound lame, but I get very lost there. I am so entrenched in (the universe will crap on me the minute I try to get more positive), that I don't even know where to turn, I have explored many belief systems, and mentally rejected them. I do see your point, it is a very good one.

I suppose I can try that, I am just lost as to where to turn, and I know no one can tell me that but me. Maybe I have too MANY belief systems in my head, and I get scattered. Confusion again. And if I lean towards one, my negative beliefs fight it.

But I will sum up by saying that I will consider it.

Illusions, you are very wise, and I very much want to tell you how I appreciate your thoughtful post, and your kindness.

I REALLY HOPE THIS INFORMATION IN THIS THREAD IS HELPING SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE, WHO HAS SIMILAR ISSUES TO MINE!!!!

Thank you again.....

[illusions]

Good Morning Val

You're very welcome! And this thread IS helping others - more than we'll ever know. There are so many people who are struggling with various things but who won't necessarily post, and this kind of thread is invaluable!

I haven't come across EMDR therapy before, but I'm so glad it's helping.

I believe it's very important though, to acknowledge the wrong that was done. Yes, your parents didn't mean to do damage (most parents don't), and yes they did the best they could. But, as I said in the parenting thread, knowing that doesn't undo the damage.

What the letter does is stand up for the child you were, when those who should have stood up for you, didn't.

You may have found it tricky with the letter because, in some of us, a result of the damage is to be unable to feel sympathy for ourselves - and especially for the child we were. Some of us feel nothing. That is a symptom of the damage!! It is a protective shield we build up automatically.

Also, I could be wrong, but have you ever been given permission to really blame your parents COMPLETELY - without buts and excuses? You can't heal the child while you excuse her abusers. You can forgive later, but first, you need to acknowledge that the damage done was ENTIRELY your parents' doing. It wasn't deliberate, but they were still driving the car that hit the pedestrian! The fact that they weren't taught to drive properly doesn't undo the death of the pedestrian.

It took me aaaaaaaaaaages to do the letters. I just didn't feel anything. I didn't feel that a letter would do anything. Like you, I felt I'd have to actually confront the person or else what good was it going to do!

My sister nagged me for months to just do it. She'd done it and it was really impressive for her. But I just didn't feeeel it. I did try writing, but it felt so superficial and pointless - especially since they were never going to read it!

Eveeeeentually, I decided to do it when I was in the middle of an emotional state - I was in the middle of feeling really angry and frustrated about something, I felt like I was going to explode with frustration...... and I decided to try writing then. I used a notebook and pen rather than the computer.

I started writing, Dear...... and within a few sentences I'd actually stabbed the notebook to death with the pen!!! Litterally!!! The ball point pen was broken, and the notebook was not in a good state! And I'd had NO idea I had that much anger towards my grandparents!!

And yet.... even after that, it still took me aaaages to write to my parents. (I'm talking about 6 years!!!) I found it really really difficult because I kept thinking they did the best they could. I felt guilty about blaming them, etc. - until my sister said to me: "Would YOU do that to your child? And what if you were witnessing them treating another child like that?"

If you can't feel it for yourself, imagine it's happening to another child - a child you know, or even one you don't know. Imagine they're not your parents, and you're just passing by. What would you say if you witnessed a little girl being treated/ spoken to that way - knowing what it's going to do to her life as an adult! You can start there, and once the emotions take over, you'll switch to yourself.

When I finally did write to my parents, I did it at the computer, and again, it started out quite formal, and seemingly "pointless", with me listing the things I felt were wrong..... and it quickly spiraled into a child-like/teenage-like onslaught!

It's amazing the feeling of freedom (and exhaustion) that follows it - and THEN you're in a better position to forgive them. Because the child (and teenager!) in you has been acknowledged. She's not sitting there, hurting, and listening to you defend and forgive her abusers. I'll repeat this because it's very very important: The fact that they didn't mean it does not undo the damage.

Here's something else that can work:

If you want to send me a private message, with some of the details of your upbringing, I'd be very happy to write a letter to your parents on your behalf. I know that may sound silly, but trust me. It's only once you read that letter that you'll get the full impact of it. I did this for my sister because even after her letters, there was still some residual feeling of not being acknowledged. It can help if you feel you can't do it yourself yet.

I know you've tried the letters before, and I don't know if what I've written here has made a difference, and I also remember how long it took me to finally take my sister's advice and try again. But if you do, try doing it in the middle of an emotional crisis rather than when you're just feeling calm and reasonable. Do it when you could explode with anger and/or frustration at something else. Redirect that anger and frustration to where it belongs - at the source. And I PROMISE you, even though it's not confronting your parents physically - in your mind - in every cell of your body - it WILL make a difference.

What the child and teenager in you want more than anything else is acknowledgement that what happened to them was WRONG. No excuses, no reasons - it was wrong. And do you know who they want to hear that from more than the people who wronged them? - YOU!!!! Hearing that from YOU, is what they REALLY want. Even if your parents were to appologise and acknowledge they did wrong, if YOU didn't acknowledge it was wrong and that there are no excuses, you'd still have the issues.

By writing to your parents without sending it (or if you don't want to write, you can play out the confrontation in your mind - do it verbally out loud, or just in your mind. "How DARE you!!" is a good start and "How *%&*ING DARE YOU!!" is even better . As long as you say everything you want to say, as long as you are viscious and aggressive and insulting and let all of that anger and retribution out in your onslaught on them - put them on the stand in a court room!) - by doing this, even though your parents don't get to hear or read it - the child and teenager in you is getting what they want - acknowledgement from YOU - the most important person in the world to them!!!

Think of a child who has been abused by her mother (doesn't matter whether it's physical, emotional or mental - same damage!). And her father's reaction, when he finds out, after the abuse is over, is to excuse the mother. "She didn't mean it. She didn't know any better. She did her best. She had a difficult childhood herself. She loves you...." and so on.

Think of what that is programming into the child. "It's okay for people to treat me badly and hurt me if they don't mean it; Love = hurt; I'm not valuable enough to my father for him to stand up for me; My mother is more important than I am; I must not hurt others, but it's okay for others to hurt me = I'm not as important as others = I am worthless." ..... and so much more!!

Then imagine the mother dies. So there's no chance for anyone to confront her. BUT imagine one day, the father gets emotional and realises the damage it's done to his daughter. Imagine he begins ranting and raving right there in front of his daughter, about the way her mother treated her. Imagine he really lets the mother have it, even though she's not there. Imagine he says things like "How DARE she treat my baby like that!!! I will NEVER forgive her!!! I don't CARE if she didn't mean it she had NO RIGHT to treat you like that!!....." and so on. And then, after he's finished, he holds his daughter tightly and tells her how much he loves her, and how he'll never let anyone hurt her again. He tells her she's the most important thing in the world to him. And then he takes her for an ice-cream and a game of miniature golf....

How would that daughter feel?

The father is your conscious adult mind now.

Another thing:
The most interesting aspect of this process is that although your conscious mind knows your parents aren't going to read the letter, or they can't hear what you're saying, your subconscious will automatically believe they are right there in that moment, hearing/ reading EVERYTHING!!!! Every cell in your body will believe you are speaking to them (or shouting at them ) IN PERSON.

And THAT'S what has the effect!
The damage is in your subconscious programming - that's what you're trying to heal, and that's what will believe a confrontation is indeed happening and justice is being done right there in the moment.

Even if you did actually give the letter to your parents, it's the writing of it that does the healing, because that's when the feeeelings of acknowledgement and standing up for yourself rage through you. That's when your subconscious believes your parents are getting the information. That's when your subconscious thinks the confrontation is. Giving them the letter and them reading it is only fallout. That creates drama and "guilt pass-the-parcel" and conscious confrontation. The healing happens during the writing, when your subconscious believes you are really confronting them.


I wanted to ask you which Paths module/s you're on? If you're not on the Trauma Release one, I HIGHLY reccomend you swap another for it. I would reccomend definitely doing the Trauma Release together with the Self Esteem one.

I've just realised how long this post is, so I'll answer the other questions in a new post

Love and Light and Magic xxx

[illusions]

Val:

I understand your point about people being happy. But is anyone REALLY happy? I don't know, seems even people who seem to have everything they want, things aren't what they seem. Everyone has their issues, many more serious than they let on. I could be wrong. I know.

It's quite uncanny how, when we're focused on something, we can see proof of it all around us. Is anyone REALLY happy? Hell Yes!!! lol. I am for a start! (Finally! - see this post: Rock Bottom )

Of course there are a lot of things I still want to achieve, I have goals, but I'm VERY happy while I'm aiming for them! My life has completely turned around. From feeling, similar to you (as you'll see from that Rock Bottom post) that there was no hope and every time I got up I got knocked down again..... to really feeling that everything is Fabulous; and there are some challenges that are ... just that, challenges, not "the Universe out to get me" - as it seemed before ... or rather, as it WAS before. That was programmed into me and that was therefore the truth! I have my down moments like everyone does, but WOW!!! they are much less often and they don't last more than a day at the very most!!

Other GENUINELY Happy People:

My 12 year old son is like a ball of sunshine. He often says "I love my life!" and "My life just keeps getting better and better!" and he REALLY means it. And it does! lol. I've never seen anyone quite as happy to the core as he is. He just beams and is really enjoying himself in this physical experience. He even loves school!! He said to me the other day on the way home from school "This is how school should be!". When he saw the movie "The Secret", he was already a naturally positive person, and he watched the movie three times. Completely absorbed. The LOA made complete sense to him. And... his belief makes it true!

My sister, who had suffered from serious clinical depression and was to be on medication for the rest of her life, and was completely overwhelmed by a project she'd taken on but didn't know what to do with, couldn't get out of bed some days; riddled with MASSIVE guilt and self-loathing and an expert in self-sabotage.... is now EXTREMELY happy!!!

She made £140 000 on that project within 6 weeks; is no longer on medication; actually bought herself a gorgeous car - which she'd never have done before because of guilt and feeling unworthy; was invited on a Fabulous sailing trip around Greece (one of her friends joked, when asked how he was: "I'm sick and tired of enjoying myself!" lol ; flew with her partner, from Gloucester to Portugal in a Microlight (had the time of their lives!); has just bought herself the most ADORABLE miniature daschund puppy (I've never seen anything SO cute!!!); has just moved into her own (huge) house for the first time in her life. She's always shared everything with others. She's now a whole, complete, confident and Very Happy person. Yes, she still has challenges, and yes things get stressful sometimes. But that's the game of life. It's like in Monopolly, sometimes you'll land on "Jail" and "Income Tax" and sometimes you'll have to mortgage a property to pay someone else rent. But the difference is feeling happy enjoying the game and taking those challenges... or whether it's just too overwhelming and you can't get out of the cycle of debt. And the difference now, is that although there are some challenges, MOST of life is great!

There's a lot of laughter and love in our lives, despite the odd challenges here and there.

I know a LOT of very happy people, for whom life is Fabulous. So it's definitely a case of how you play it, and how you play it depends on the rules you've been taught - and whether you stick to those rules, or whether you choose to make up your own so the game becomes more enjoyable for you.

Val:

Also, I view these people as stronger than me. They can mentally change their views, where I feel I have not been able to, (except through help with EMDR)......you will tell me I AM strong enough.....I don't feel it.

It's not about being strong, it's about being "gat vol" as they say in Afrikaans. It's about being SO FED UP that you REFUSE to take this anymore and you decide "I'm going to *&%*ing change this if it KILLS ME!!!" It's about CHOICE. There's no strength involved when a person who is starving crawls through cactus to get to food. There's desperation. There's no strength involved when someone lifts a vehicle off their child (they didn't have the strength to do it before, and they haven't had it since) - it's desperation.

If you're not "gat vol" - full to the brim and overflowing with Fed Up - then you may not be PREPARED to do what it takes, but if you're REALLY starving, you'll be prepared to crawl through the cactus and anything else, to get to the food!

Val:

As far as picking a belief system that makes me feel a little better, this is going to sound lame, but I get very lost there. I am so entrenched in (the universe will crap on me the minute I try to get more positive), that I don't even know where to turn, I have explored many belief systems, and mentally rejected them. I do see your point, it is a very good one.

I suppose I can try that, I am just lost as to where to turn, and I know no one can tell me that but me. Maybe I have too MANY belief systems in my head, and I get scattered. Confusion again. And if I lean towards one, my negative beliefs fight it.

That's very possible. So here's an idea. A place to start. Remember, you can always change your beliefs again later if something else begins to make more sense... for now, try this on for size:
Decide that life is like a game of Monopoly. In fact, take a look at this thread: Financial Healing - The Monopoly Method and download the free Monopoly game from one of the links. As you play, become aware of your feeeelings. Decide that life is a Monopoly game, and that sometimes the rolls are in your favour and sometimes they're not. But whether they are or not, it's your strategy that makes the difference. It's about whether you choose to buy a property or not, it's about whether, when you run out of cash, you mortgage a less important property in order to put houses on another one... or whether you propose a clever trade.

When you start thinking strategically, taking emotion out of it... when you stop believing that there's anything "out there" trying to get you or to help you.... when you realise that if there IS anything "out there" watching, it's not going to put down its popcorn to interfere in the game one way or another.... when you realise that if you land on "Income Tax", it's up to you to remember that happens sometimes, and you put your focus onto whether you're going to build those houses, or whether you're going to trade to get that Monopoly and if so, how.... when you realise it's about STRATEGY.... then the game becomes SO MUCH easier!!

BUT ... having said all this, I have a feeling that changing your beliefs and healing in other ways is not going to be very easy before you've healed the damage your parents have done. The Trauma Release Paths module and the Self Esteem one will help automatically, and of course, if you do as I suggested in the post above, the combination will be magical - IF you're fed up enough - IF you're hungry enough to push through that cactus to get to the food

Hope this helps.
Love and Light and Magic xxx

[VJoy]

Illusions

Hi Illusions...

Thank you for your very thoughtful post. Are you a therapist? Have you ever thought of doing that? You are very insightful.

I am glad that your son and sister and you are doing so well. That is really great!

Okay, first question, ....I read the post about the monopoly game, and saw you mention chess. Now, I must be honest, and say I have always HATED the game of monopoly! because I have no head for finances, math, money, or ever even understood the rules of monopoly, so I haven't played it for many yearts........just hate the game.

You mention chess. I used to lOVE chess! So.......since this is about STRATEGEY and not money, ...would on-line chess do instead, do you think?
The problem with that is when I play online, and I loose, I beat myself up for not being smart, which is what would happen with the monopoly anyway.
I have to wrap my head around what you are describing about how it helps.

I had a discussion today with my husband about your post yesterday about "Picking a path of what would feel good", and he was trying to help me with it. I am not an "out of the box thinker", although I am very creative, I am also very, very logical, and don't know how to translate the logic to the creative, and visa versa.

I believe I am more deeply entrenched in the Universe is cruel concept...every concept I ran through with my husband, I kept coming back to that cruel thing, and I am having trouble seeing how to combat that.

Example: My cat is very sick and we are taking her to the Vet this week, but my feeling is her quality of life is gone. If the Vet can't help her anymore, we have to discuss putting her down, because our first priority is she not suffer.
How can I NOT focus on this cruelty of my poor cat suffering, the HEARTBREAK to me and my husband, and the sadness I feel. What Universe that won't "put down it's popcorn to interfere in my game of life" would be something to NOT be afraid of it so much suffering goes on? It implies a universe that just doesn't care at all about us, and therefore is cruel NOT to stop so much suffering.........It was not my strategy or choice that my cat be sick and suffer....Sorry, for this being so long, it is just one example.

Another is the terrible, terrible abdominal pain attacks I have been getting, that I posted about in other threads........I didn't plan that, and I don't know that I can stop it. How does that kind of thing fit in?


As for the trauma module......I have been advised about it, but I wouldn't pick any of the three categories that are listed, so I would get the general version, and I don't know what is in it. I don't know if it could help me with MY issues........also, I am already on Self-Esteem, and it isn't working "automatically" as you say.
2 months now and absolutely nothing with paths. So the effects are not immediate with me, and even Paths says that there is no guarentee of it working on everyone. I might be someone who it has no effect on (yes, I am getting enough aminos).........so I do listen to it every day,

Unconditional Love
Just Relax -- (this is the one I would replace with Trauma)
Self Esteem,
Deserving,

And nothing yet.

I am not saying you are wrong about trauma for me......but if after 2 months the others are not working at ALL, then I wonder if any of them can help. (I am not giving up on it)


So.....I am sorry if I seem so confused about these things, I am not used to some of this, and my brain is saying....WHAT????

Actually, even talking about this is bringing me down, it all seem sooooo hard, and so much in the world doesn't make any sense......

Thanks illusions, you are very kind to try to help me!!...I know there is a lot here, and you may tire of trying to answer my questions, ......if you do I understand,....

[illusions]

Hi Val

First of all, no, I'm not a therapist but I do love helping people where I can. Thank you for the compliment - I really just share from my own and my sister's experience. We've been on an incredible journey (some of it together and some of it separately) over 10 years, of finding healing and undoing damage etc. - starting off with psychological therapy alllllllllll the way through various belief systems, spiritual methods, hypnosis, energy work, hundreds of books, recordings and courses etc. ... and a lOt of talking lol. Talking things through and a lOt of thinking, has been a Powerful tool throughout all of the other stuff. I also often feel, when I'm answering a post or email, I feel things come to me out of "nowhere". Things I'd never thought of before, occur to me as I type. So I learn and realise a lot myself while answering others.

Yes! I think it might work with Chess, although you haven't got the "luck" element in Chess, which I think contributes to the awareness and learning. But do try it - I'm sure it's different for each person. Monopoly taught me a lot of what I needed to know about myself, and helped me change my perspective in many ways, Chess may well do it for you. While you're playing, become aware of how you feel and how you react, and then see if that translates to "real life" for you. Also, apart from what you may learn about yourself from it, if you love playing, you should be playing it anyway!

Val:

I believe I am more deeply entrenched in the Universe is cruel concept...every concept I ran through with my husband, I kept coming back to that cruel thing, and I am having trouble seeing how to combat that.

How about asking your husband to help you with the following exercise:

Switch sides. See it as a debate topic. Just as an exercise, a game, pick a belief (like the LOA or the teachings of Abraham), and argue FOR it. Ask your husband to argue against it. Ask him to argue for the "cruel Universe" concept. See if you can win. This won't necessarily change your views or beliefs, but it may help to just open your mind a bit more. When you do it, make sure your objective is just to win the game - Strategy, not emotion or beliefs. What do you need to argue strategically, to win the debate. Remember, in debating, you don't have to believe in your topic!

I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty! I lOve cats. Looking at it as cruel that you and your cat have to go through this, is one way of looking at it. It is one perspective, but it's not the only one. No matter what happens, we still choose our perspective and what we focus on.

Another perspective can be to focus on the time you HAVE had with her, and how lucky is she to have YOU, who will put her well being before your own feelings! I know someone with a vvvverry old cat, I don't know how old it is, but it's really not well. It can barely walk, and is nearly completely blind. But this person absolutely REFUSES to have the poor thing put down! She feels that as long as the cat is still eating, it must be fine. Now, I have to say that I would have put it to rest quite a while ago, because I just don't like to see an animal suffering, but the owner is so focused on her own feelings, and how devistated she would be if her cat died, that she's convincing herself that it's not cruel to keep it alive.

So, you could focus on the time you have had with your kitty. You could feel honoured that she chose to come and spend time with you, and is now ready to leave. And she knows that she's in safe hands because she knows that you will make sure that she doesn't suffer unnecessarily. You could focus on how much you love her and how happy you've made her stay on earth.

You could change your worry and fear and anger at the cruel Universe, to focusing even more Love and Attention on your kitty while she's still with you.

We know that a part of living in this reality is that things change. Things are always moving. Things come to an end and something else starts. Sometimes things come to an end before we feel we're finished with them. But that is part of the game. Just like being unable to move a rook horizontally is part of the game of Chess (I don't play Chess, so I hope that's right lol)

When my son was little, I took him to this Wonderful zoo/amusement park. We spent the day there, and it was absolutely Brilliant. When the time came to leave, he started crying and didn't want to go. He didn't want the good time to come to an end, he didn't want to leave the animals and all the fun. It was hard for him to understand at that age why we should have to leave. Why couldn't we just...... well, stay! We had an aunt when we were children and teenagers - the most INcredible person!!! She was like an angel to us. A FUN angel, and so very kind. She died when we were teenagers, of a heart attack, in her early thirties. It's strange to realise I'm older now than she was when she died. It was devistating to loose her, and it seemed so unfair. And I remember feeling scared and angry and frustrated. And there have been times in my life since, when I would have given Anything to have her with me. There have been things I've done that I know no-one else could appreciate as much as she would have.

But.... I also know that things change and move on. And as much as I miss her still, I have a choice of how I see her death. I have a choice of perspective. I can choose to focus on how unfair it is that such an Incredible person who was SO very important to me, and my brother and sister, who was so kind, and with whom I still had so very much to share in my life, was cruely taken so suddenly and early in her life. I can focus on all the lost moments I could have shared with her, that she would have loved and been so supportive. And of course, with this perspective, come VERY strong emotions. Feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, loss, injustice..... and so on.

Or... I can accept that that was her story. That was part of the game. And as much as I don't like it, I can CHOOSE to remember the wonderful, wonderful times with her. I can choose to reminice with my sister over the fun, her kindness, and her wackiness. I can choose to feel a powerful surge of Love and Gratitude when I think of her, instead of sadness and loss. I can choose to focus on others in my life that I now treasure, like my son, my partner and my sister, and friends. I can choose to focus on everything that makes me feel good, and not on what makes me feel bad. Whether one believes in the Law of Attraction or not, since we're here anyway, it's still much more enjoyable to spend the time choosing to focus on what feels good rather than on what feels bad.

If you have to go through something, you might as well focus on feeling good. Of course it will feel bad as well - naturally. Of course there's pain and sadness - that's part of being human, just as joy and fun and love are. You can allow yourself to wallow a little in the negative feelings - have a good cry, rant or punchapillow session, then be good to yourself. Give yourself something or do something that feels comforting. Pamper yourself. If my son has to go to through something unpleasant, I get him a comic he enjoys, or take him swimming afterwards. Do that for yourself. If you have to go through something difficult, first allow yourself to feel bad about it, then treat yourself kindly and gently and do something that makes you feel good, that comforts you.... and then, when you've gone through the process, turn your attention to the perspective that feels good.

If you have to loose your kitty at this time, then you might as well take the opportunity to focus on how much you love her, and how wonderful it's been to have her with you for whatever time she has been there. Not only does that serve you better, but it Definitely is better for your cat - who will pick up whatever you're feeling. Animals are very sensitive to our energy.

I hadn't seen the other threads about the abdominal pain, but I've just had a quick look for them, and see that it is IBS? I used to have that as well. I now very occassionally get it, but much much fainter. When I do, I take it as a "headsup" to relax and take pressure off myself. I have a hot bath, which is really good for relieving the pain, drink lots of water, do things that are relaxing, and get extra sleep. It goes quite quickly now if I do this - it never lasts longer than a few hours now, and the pain isn't as intense as it used to be.

Can I ask, how do you feel about yourself, and how do you treat yourself? Physical ailments often are a manifestation about how we feel about ourselves. I could be wrong, but I get the impression that through the way you were raised, you have fairly low self esteem and self worth, possibly even self loathing (as my sister had); very negative beliefs about yourself, and can be very tough and unforgiving to yourself. Do you have sympathy for yourself? This is always painted as a bad thing, but is ESSENTIAL!!! We have sympathy for others, we should Absolutely have sympathy for ourselves. Do you ever just take the day off and watch comedy on T.V. or play a game and spoil yourself? If you do, how does it feel? When you're feeling sad or worried, what do you say to yourself, do you comfort yourself? Do you take it easy that day and be kind to yourself?

Most people who have damage from childhood have a Very strong aversion to being kind to themselves. They have a built-in distaste for "feeling sorry for myself" - they've been programmed to be tough, no nonsense, chin-up and hard on themselves - just as was demonstrated by their parents.

Start treating yourself kindly, give yourself a break. Give yourself permission to do as you darn well please rather than what you think you "should" do. See how that feels. Maybe you do do that already, but probably not.

I've just found that the post is too long lol, so I have to cut it in two before the forum will accept it. So I'll stop here, and answer the rest in the next post...

Love and Light and Magic xxx

[illusions]

Okay, to continue ...

Regarding the Trauma module, I have the general one. It has what is described in the product description. If you choose one of the other three versions, it's basically the general one, with extra instructions addressing issues connected to those experiences.So the description for the General One is:

This Module is designed to assist you in eradicating energy and stress blockages caused by traumatic occurrences. Distressing situations that have occurred in the past can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, and can have many negative effects on one's day-to-day life. Through eliminating this stress, one can become free of the negative associations of PTSD such as fear, confusion, avoidance, anger, despair, etc., and replace them with love, happiness, and confidence in a hopeful and abundant future.

This Module can support your mind’s ability to:

Let go of past traumatic events

Increase feelings of peace and calm

Let go of fear

Increase feelings of hope

Increase feelings of safeness

Increase the ability to deal with the past in a

healthy and beneficial way

Increase desire to socialize

Increase confidence in the future

Reduce trigger events

With changes from Paths, just like any other changes you make to programming, sometimes there's something that needs to be changed first, before the changes you're waiting for can be made.

For example, you're using the Self Esteem and Confidence module. And that will be working on improving your Self Esteem and Confidence. BUT, before your Self Esteem and Confidence can improve it's very likely that the existing damage and beliefs have to be mended. EVerything you've been taught and have lived so far is geared to LOWER self esteem and confidence - and all of that is the Trauma! And the same with Unconditional Love, Just Relax and Deserving. Those ARE working, but they have a MASSIVE job to do, undoing all the negative programming first, before you'll start to see results!

Think about how many days you went through having those beliefs drummed into you. How long did that go on? How deep are those beliefs? It makes sense that it'll take some time to undo that damage! The Trauma Module, as you can see from the description, will help to speed up the foundation work - undoing the damage - that needs to be done before new stuff can be built on that.

If you have an abscess under a tooth, there's no point in just pulling out that tooth and putting a new one in its place. The abscess has to be cleaned up first. If you pull down a building to put a new on in its place, you can't just knock it down and put a new one up, you have to clear the foundations and put new ones in. When you want to paint your walls a new colour, you can't
just paint over the old one. You need to scrape off the old paint first. And THAT's what takes the time. After the scraping, painting is quick. You can do it in no time. But the scraping... that takes a while.

Your old programming is ingrained in you, like carvings in a rock. It's going to take some time to file down those carvings before new carvings can be made. That IS already happening, you just can't SEE it yet. Like you can't see the foundations being put in when a house is being built, like you can't see a seed growing under the ground. Doesn't mean it's not growing! It's still growing, you just can't see it yet! You can't see the Neuro-pathways in your brain. If you could look inside your brain, and you could photograph it with time-capture photography, you'd see the changes being made, just as if you could do the same underground, you'd see the seed growing.

The Trauma Module will help to speed that process up because it's aimed specifically at the foundations. It's aimed specifically at the CAUSE of the existing damage - the Trauma.

I would DEFinitely email Paths immediately, and ask them to swap the Just Relax one for the Trauma Release module.

Love and Light and Magic xxx

[VJoy]

The Awesome Illusions

Okay, I am ready to answer your two posts.
Thank you so much for your patience, most people don't have it when it comes to me, because I am stuck in such a bad place and have trouble seeing "out of the box".

I will try to be as brief as possible..


I now have switched to the Trauma free module, so it is in my theater. I am starting it today. Thank you, you gave me the most compelling reason to try it that I have heard. I just hope it helps, and the others!!

(yes, you were right about the rook ) I don't play chess anymore because, 25 years ago I used to be really good. I could anticipate up to 4 moves ahead, and even if I lost, I loved the strategy. (and it didn't involve math!)
Now when I play, I am so rusty, I can't even think one move ahead, and it makes me feel stupid. Also, I don't do many things I used to love. This is just one of them.
I honestly don't know how learning about how "life is a game and about strategy" can help me when EXTERNAL events happen that I have no control over, like some news I got today which was very upsetting. What does one do with that kind of info? And you might say, it is perception and choice.......this news I got hurts me and my cat, and I can't stop it. (no, it has nothing to do with her health, but her mental state), and other people in my building, especially anyone elderly or sick, which there are many.
Okay, now you are wondering what this is. they are doing construction work on my apartment building, outside with scaffolding. This creates UNBELIEVABLE noise, and has been going on all summer. Now I find out it will continue through the next few months, and move over to an area of my apartment where the sound will be LOUDER. As distressing and NON relaxing as this is to me, my poor cat!!! She can hear this far more intensely than me, and I see how it disturbs her!! She doesn't deserve this.....why????? This is cruel, and I cannot stop this.

Okay, I bring this up because it is something that I cannot control, not use STRATEGY. So....I have no idea how NOT to let these events get me down, because I have no control over them. Perhaps you can give me an example of how you would think about this, something you can't change, but does affect you, your living environment, in this example? OR, any other external events?

We take my cat to the Vet tomorrow, and hopefully a change in medication will work. We will take it from there. But no, we will not let her suffer if we determine her quality of life is gone. But I do feel ENORMOUS GUILT if I am not spending all my time with her..She wants me now as I type this, but if I give in, I would never be able to go online.....but this guilt overwhelms me, it is like ANY caretaker of any pet, family member, aged parent, you love them and take care of them, but need a break!, and even I know I deserve a break, I feel guilty to take any. I do, in the afternoons, for a few hours, for my sanity.
I also feel guilt because I feel in the 7 years we have had her, I haven't done enough for her, although my hubby tells me I am an awesome catmom. I just believe I should have done MORE for her.....

I am glad your IBS is better!! Mine has gotten much worse over the last summer, where the attacks hit 2 weeks out of every month (based on my cycle). I have tried diet, etc, everything you mention. These attacks of pain are so bad, if I didn't have the 3 drugs I take for the pain, I would gladly die. (I spend most of that time in the fetal position, drugged out of my mind, and it only half helps the pain. Kevin clued me into the possibility of mercury, so I know my mercury and lead are elevated, and I am going through chelation therapy now, to hope that it will help. I don't know yet if it has, my next attack would happen any time now, and my treatments aren't over....so the verdict is out.

I know IBS is irritated or caused by emotions, and stress, and deep rooted emotional issues, and I just have them. I am trying to improve, but that takes time. I don't know what else to do...

You are correct about how I feel about myself. I hate myself, have no self esteem, do not treat myself well. I feel I do not deserve good things. And the GUILT! I don't do any of the things that used to bring me pleasure, I used to have a life!!!! Friends, many interests, better health, a wicked sense of humor!!! but this is all gone. I do still read, which I enjoy all my life, but somehow I am STUCK in not doing anything else for my happiness, except watch my favorite TV shows, which is also easy for me and I do enjoy, but there aren't many shows.


Sooooooo.....I think I answered just about everything , tried to keep it brief.

Thank you for letting me talk, and for being such an insightful, patient person. I really don't have anyone else who has come up with the twist on ideas you have given me, (not even therapists), and I cannot promise that I will come around to what you say, but at LEAST I am not automatically dismissing it, which for me, is a MIRACLE!!!!

You give me things to think about, and for that I am very grateful.

illusions

P.S.....[B]UPDATE....The IBS pain attack has come back, on schedule. I am in agony (typing in between waves of pain), drugged out of my mind, and the chelation therapy to remove mercury isn't helping at all. I had a small glimmer of hope it would help A LITTE at least...... I feel so hopeless....I don't know what else to try, I have tried everying else for IBS, and it hasn't worked., I cannot spend my life like this, ........also, my cat is very needy right now and I cannot tolerate her when Iam lying there in agony, as she cries and incessantly tries to crawl all over me.......and I have to literally go into another room to get away...that sounds HORRIBLE, but the pain is just too much...which leads to guilt, which doesn't help...just adds stress.........Illusions, how would you handle these things?????[/[/B]

[zartgirl]

Val

We have talked a lot, and I consider you a friend!

Now I am going to suggest something so weird and outlandish, and I totally understand the logistics of this at this point may be out of this world, but I just want to plant the seed!

You love nature, and you hate the city... Right? Why do you stay there? MOVE! Maybe a change of belief will be easier from a different perspective! When we are in a place that is not where we were designed to be, we tend to get depressed. Okay, I know this is like a bizarre outrageous suggestion and probably not right now possible! LOL! But in the meantime how about some weekend trips or even day trips to the country. Pack a picnic basket, and just take off. Go out of the City and start HUGGING TREES! Hmmmm... This is actually very pleasurable and has a changing effect on us, and our beliefs. There is a connection with nature and trees, and I can say from personal recent experience very uplifting!

I think you should make as many trips to the country as possible. Also I know for me I had to make a major change in my life physically before changes in my beliefs could change. For me it meant leaving the man I was married to for 16 years... Don't know what it might mean for you, but maybe just some trips to the country!

Okay, I know how weird this may sound, but I do believe it would be very beneficial for you!

Blessings Sallyjane