hello
wow, i have finally caught up with reading the last few pages, and i am so touched.
Thank you for everyone who has shared.
it has been a while since i have posted here, and it is funny in my mind to why i would stay away. although i think of everyone on the forum often, i guess i get caught up in the life stuff, the physical reality, the things that have apppeared so real for 31 yrs of this earth walk.
please forgive my lack of being specific to anyone, i think i will get to that...lol.
funny how i create things, how all of us create things....
cuz i want to post, and now my son has just woken up, and wants my attention..lol
this brings up feeling of irratibilty, and impatients....lol
cuz i want what i want and i want it now... Sigh..
however there is perfection in this.
i am ok, with it... if i am not resisting...
however he is having breakfast so i have a bit of time.
well broth if you call that breakfast... and garlic, cuz he has been sick.
I get so irratible at he need for my attention, when i am busy... sigh...
yet the last couple months i have been involved with someone... met someone, which is now done... and got to see the beauty of my own need for attention ooutside of myself... which has been tough, but also such a gift, there were many gifts in this experience with this man...
and i am still reaping the joy and freedom from allowing myself to experience it, and getting to see myself.
there is truely nothing I need, however then my ego mind seems to "need" to defend that paticular awareness.
Zartgirl, you are so inspiring
I have found often befor my self judging people and there posts... although it was a feeling... more so than really being aware of the thoughts i was having...
and I am speaking generally... however this has been a reflection of my own judgement of myself, and how i have felt while posting when i posted, which very often would be in desperation, cuz i was in such a chaotic mental and emotional space, although i am sure that wasn't all the time.
Hmmm, judgement vs acceptance came up alot for me a while back and again it is... as well as resisting vs allowing...
i am really beggining to see so much how everything is such perfection....
yesterday i called this man i was seeing...(after stating that it no longer felt right for me) it had been a few days ealier that i decided to stop seeing him in a romantic nature... but was attached to the need to be friends... so when i called him, first i checked my motives, to see if i was looking for a need to be met... stuff like that... and i couldn't detect any so i went with my (what felt like) inspiration... and it was fine... then i ended up in this place of all kinds of emotions coming to me, and realiized that unconciously i want to keep a connection to him, cuz it felt good to be with him (at first)... with secret hopes and needs... and then my sense of showing my loyalty... and a bunch of other things....
i think i may be rambling now, but my point is... although i wasn't sure about making the call... it was a perfect creation to see how i hang onto people (men)... cuz although i may change the nature of the relationship... i am needing them to be something for me, and hoping they will then want me... stuff that isn't true about who i am really am.
it is like this need for outside validation that i am OK...
well, he is done his breakfast, adn now i am gonna go.
i have so much to touch on, for what i have read, and simply to share more of who i am with all of you....
Love and Light... Adrienne
wow, i have finally caught up with reading the last few pages, and i am so touched.
Thank you for everyone who has shared.
it has been a while since i have posted here, and it is funny in my mind to why i would stay away. although i think of everyone on the forum often, i guess i get caught up in the life stuff, the physical reality, the things that have apppeared so real for 31 yrs of this earth walk.
please forgive my lack of being specific to anyone, i think i will get to that...lol.
funny how i create things, how all of us create things....
cuz i want to post, and now my son has just woken up, and wants my attention..lol
this brings up feeling of irratibilty, and impatients....lol
cuz i want what i want and i want it now... Sigh..
however there is perfection in this.
i am ok, with it... if i am not resisting...
however he is having breakfast so i have a bit of time.
well broth if you call that breakfast... and garlic, cuz he has been sick.
I get so irratible at he need for my attention, when i am busy... sigh...
yet the last couple months i have been involved with someone... met someone, which is now done... and got to see the beauty of my own need for attention ooutside of myself... which has been tough, but also such a gift, there were many gifts in this experience with this man...
and i am still reaping the joy and freedom from allowing myself to experience it, and getting to see myself.
there is truely nothing I need, however then my ego mind seems to "need" to defend that paticular awareness.
Zartgirl, you are so inspiring
I have found often befor my self judging people and there posts... although it was a feeling... more so than really being aware of the thoughts i was having...
and I am speaking generally... however this has been a reflection of my own judgement of myself, and how i have felt while posting when i posted, which very often would be in desperation, cuz i was in such a chaotic mental and emotional space, although i am sure that wasn't all the time.
Hmmm, judgement vs acceptance came up alot for me a while back and again it is... as well as resisting vs allowing...
i am really beggining to see so much how everything is such perfection....
yesterday i called this man i was seeing...(after stating that it no longer felt right for me) it had been a few days ealier that i decided to stop seeing him in a romantic nature... but was attached to the need to be friends... so when i called him, first i checked my motives, to see if i was looking for a need to be met... stuff like that... and i couldn't detect any so i went with my (what felt like) inspiration... and it was fine... then i ended up in this place of all kinds of emotions coming to me, and realiized that unconciously i want to keep a connection to him, cuz it felt good to be with him (at first)... with secret hopes and needs... and then my sense of showing my loyalty... and a bunch of other things....
i think i may be rambling now, but my point is... although i wasn't sure about making the call... it was a perfect creation to see how i hang onto people (men)... cuz although i may change the nature of the relationship... i am needing them to be something for me, and hoping they will then want me... stuff that isn't true about who i am really am.
it is like this need for outside validation that i am OK...
well, he is done his breakfast, adn now i am gonna go.
i have so much to touch on, for what i have read, and simply to share more of who i am with all of you....
Love and Light... Adrienne
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