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Wow - getting better
Hi Grace,
I wrote to you late the other evening after having my little-me ego flare-up. The next morning, while I was still sleeping, or quasi-sleeping, I recognized something changing and a quietness to the situation/feelings flow in. Quite vivid though I wouldn't be able to explain it. I'm thinking that was your corrections and since it was morning on your coast and 4 hours earlier on mine that make a bit of sense too. Thank you!
All day yesterday as we were setting up for an event and through the event there was no sense of the ego tantrums. None. Nadda. Zip. At one point when I felt we were losing focus, lost in the big picture, I was able to speak my part, have discussion to clear it to a really good place together. I know we all gain when we speak our Truth. This time I didn't have a fitfull ego stamping it's foot!
Just the place I want to be, supportive, doing my part and riding that pony of a larger vision without smallness coming into play.
There were other "ah-ha's" that came up for me in the last few days that seem to be nearing the core of the thing. Not sure I can express it at the moment. It's vague to me in words but feels quite solid inside. It relates to the little-sister baggage but feels older than this lifetime. A desire to be taken seriously, to stand in my power. With it came an idea of why I have been carrying extra weight for 18 years --I wanted to be person of substance - whoa!
I hope this makes sense. It's still in process, however it doesn't feel like I need to work at it. More as if a boil has been lanced and it can heal on it's own.
Thank you, Thank you to everyone who's kind thoughts and support help this happen.
Bobi
Hi Grace,
I wrote to you late the other evening after having my little-me ego flare-up. The next morning, while I was still sleeping, or quasi-sleeping, I recognized something changing and a quietness to the situation/feelings flow in. Quite vivid though I wouldn't be able to explain it. I'm thinking that was your corrections and since it was morning on your coast and 4 hours earlier on mine that make a bit of sense too. Thank you!
All day yesterday as we were setting up for an event and through the event there was no sense of the ego tantrums. None. Nadda. Zip. At one point when I felt we were losing focus, lost in the big picture, I was able to speak my part, have discussion to clear it to a really good place together. I know we all gain when we speak our Truth. This time I didn't have a fitfull ego stamping it's foot!
Just the place I want to be, supportive, doing my part and riding that pony of a larger vision without smallness coming into play.There were other "ah-ha's" that came up for me in the last few days that seem to be nearing the core of the thing. Not sure I can express it at the moment. It's vague to me in words but feels quite solid inside. It relates to the little-sister baggage but feels older than this lifetime. A desire to be taken seriously, to stand in my power. With it came an idea of why I have been carrying extra weight for 18 years --I wanted to be person of substance - whoa!
I hope this makes sense. It's still in process, however it doesn't feel like I need to work at it. More as if a boil has been lanced and it can heal on it's own.
Thank you, Thank you to everyone who's kind thoughts and support help this happen.
Bobi
You know things seemed to be really poised to take off but I came home last night and my mac mini is not working at all now. I don't know what it will cost to fix it but if it's the hard drive that went bad and I have to send it to a specialist to extract the information off it, I know that will be expensive. Probably more than I'll be able to afford. I'm typing this message at work on break since I no longer have internet access at home because of this. 
Like I said he pays little attention to them except when he takes them hunting. I am assuming since they don't look to be starving that he feeds them and waters them too, but that is about all. A month or so ago, I wrote him a note and signed it, saying "I don't know if you realize your dogs bark incessantly from early in the morning to late at night. I then nicely asked him to please take action to quiet the dogs. His response was to come over to my houe and yell and threaten my daughter who is 14 years old. Funny thing is the pattern of my X husband blaming everyone else for what is his responsibility! Don't look at oneself when your dogs are barking, but blame the neighbors who find it annoying. I don't know if this is something in me that I am seeing through a mirror in these men, or something I am creating over and over in my life in the men around me... My father does the same thing! CORRECTIONS EITHER WAY ARE NEEDED! Oh and this man makes me uncomfortable when he is outside I will not venture out! Insight into this problem later after you get done with your tournament would be appreciated. 
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